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Here at the annual symposium of mental healthness they are tabling a motion that depression be categorised as either HIGH KEY or LOW KEY and it's proving controversial.

Telling the people who deliver my vegetable box to just leave it in the green bin. It's really annoying to put it in my fridge for two weeks first.

Dreaming of people being proud of me because of my collection of low key but practical trousers.

Husbanding my mental health by not clicking on anything on the internet.

Everyone who was ever born was born under a bad sign.

Carrot top pesto is a great way to use up carrot tops to make something that looks kind of like pesto but tastes like shit.

Every single task I have ever been assigned as a test engineer has priority LOW.

Flirting in the office, flirting with a headache that is! Because I haven't eaten lunch! HAHA!

Someone should develop drugs that you can take whilst driving. It would be a huge, untapped market.

Me, sitting at my desk for five seconds, then fireworks go off and confetti starts to fall, trumpets blare. A TV presenter appears and starts to speak: "Congratulations Riaz! You've just earned yourrrrrrrrrrRRRRRRrrrrr HEADACHE! OF! THE! WEEK!!!!!

Thinking about the immigrant Sainsbury's employee, paid to promote the self scan system, which will replace her, whilst I stare at the floor, unable to make eye contact, let alone match the cheery energy she's forced to simulate.

Five words, two numbers, say them and I'm yours Show more

I can't go through a single day without my macbook pro failing to find one or more of my external monitors.

Why isn't medicine working on a way for me to feel OK without doing exercise.

If you lift but no one can tell do you actually work out.

Learning archery because after the climate catastrophe I intend to carry on being a total fucking loser. NOW is the time to act, make sure your personal loserdom has contingency and durability for the unknowable future.

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