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A collective exhalation of joy goes up around the world, notification pings ring out, phones vibrate, toast messages ascend from task bars. Riaz has Signed On and begun Creating the day's Content.

I can't believe I've been working on the stairwell zine for like 3 years (it's nearly done) and it's only 20,000 words.

I can't stand anything and I don't know why they won't replace me with someone who can.

@deadkitty @onlineman please guys can one of you get an icon I don't know how to read and its really hard to tell you apart

Some kind of fucking ISSUE with the backups that I Might have Fixed but really Who Knows.

Good news it turns out none of the backups were running.

A future web without algorithms will be unable to work like the current web. You won't be able to 'go viral' and accrue thousands of followers, likes, whatever on a network that's managed by just one or two people

Don't forget ‼️ When you go on holiday or do something fun on the weekend, that's not the real you! The real you is the thing you do most of, which is go to work.

With the caveat of course that when I do find the tahini no balm is applied, there is no flooding sense of relief or advancement, just a moment's reprieve before I try to work out when I'll be able to go the shop that sells. Muhammarah.

Sometimes my inability to live somewhere with easy access to tahini makes me want to kill myself.

If you got mad about Mass Effect 3's ending ignoring player agency I have bad news for you regarding the critically panned but enduring classic: Real Life.

Being alive is so much worse than anyone ever manages to communicate.

What if you got into a fight with me, but at the pivotal moment, I blurted out a truth about you that no one could have known and as you reeled from this revelation I seized the initiative and did a karate kick which knocked your head clean off?

(to the tune of Sex Bomb by Tom Jones & Mousse T)
Ban cars ban cars
we should ban cars
they kill more people globally than fire-arms

There's always some 7 foot man-slab in the gym testing his vertical leap or his horizontal leap or one legged jumping on boxes and I'm like you fuckers know Mario isn't real life right.

If hackers are real why can't I send them my coordinates and get them to hack into one of those secret rail guns the US govt has in orbit and glass my exact location.

My gym clothes cost more than my gym membership but I still can't do a muscle up dot jpeg underscore rev 3

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