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To offset my carbon footprint from my recent trip I will be dead for the rest of the year, See you in 2020!

I have gone into nature now, I love to be in nature.

I'm in Browns fashion / shopping brown's fashion / dropping that cash on / those Stan Smiths with Raf on

One question every guy wants the answer to:

"Will I get jacked before I go bald?"

If anyone gets rained on whilst on their bike in the next few weeks sorry, my bad, I just removed my mudguards and spent three hours meticulously cleaning my bike.

Whenever I make a bad coffee I make sure I tell people and I make a bad coffee every single day.

By age 30 you should have worked out which shoe you're going to wear everyday for the rest of your life

Having good hair is a career ender for software engineers.

"Podcasts, listened to by millions whilst being largely total garbage. But what drives podcasts to be so crap? Join me as we use archival documents, recorded interviews and investigative journalism to discover exactly why...Podcasts Are Shit"

Print me a t-shirt that says "i sincerely like my moustache"

I let them take a photo of me for the office and I look bad in it but I didn't ask them to retake it because I feel like not caring about how you look is something only people who actually look good can do

I work in insurance science and one of the best ways to predict whether a child will be successful (we have various industry markers for this) is whether or not they were able to land a kickflip at age 13.

The kids are pretty certain that being depressed in the spring time is a huge mood.

Stairwells will probably come into, and pass out of fashion before I release the stairwell zine.

If you think about it, almost everyone has not one, but two moustaches, just above their eyes. That's right, eyebrows. Eyebrows are basically moustaches.

Thinking about working out ten times a week instead of eight.

If Avril Lavigne was a real punk she would want to dismantle heteronormativity and as such, yes, she could make it more obvious than simply stating "He was a boy, she was a girl" which would go some way to acknowledge the plurality of potential couplings.

The labour they require to prepare is rooted in patriarchal/monarchist norms and recipes including them are essentially a tool of the establishment

Its 2019 and some of you need to GROW THE FUCK UP ad LEARN that BRUSSELL SPROUTS ARE NOT REAL!! They were literally invented in the 1600s by farmers to sell small cabbages, which is why they taste EXACTLY THE SAME.

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