Torturing myself with the idea of a holiday from myself is exactly why I need a holiday from myself.

You, a problematic neckbeard: "Sudo make me a sandwich!"
Me, an enlightened ally: "We should really get started on lunch, don't you think?"

@funnyunny Therapy going good then yeah? Oh you're not in therapy rn? Buddy, it might be time.

I consider being 34 and saying life sucks to be a radical political act.

If you're waiting for my top ten of the decade I haven't liked anything since 1997's "Gettin' Jiggy Wit It"

As a child, I was obsessed with the impartial shoes worn by the mannequins at my provincial Gap, as well as the incredible breadth of their plastic male torsos. In my memory they are as wide as my fully spread arms.

by 2029 literally everyone you know will sound like they're talking about the document management software at their corporate job even when they aren't, even when they're unemployed, even when they're talking about being in love.

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