I didn't wear any cool clothes on the weekend. Hope that's ok.

Imagine trying to fight me, but on the first strike, my body dissolves into my constituent neuroses, which move with lightning speed behind you, and reform into my corporeal being.

If I was a digital content executive I would approach me to develop either "Stairwell Zine" or "Vegan Seinfeld" to sell to a major streaming network.

Today's coffee tasting: Paprika Crunchips, cola syrup, lychee finish.

Does anyone know anything you can read whilst high? Or is it a lost cause.

If I speak to another computer person who is convinced that they like their job I'm going to trap my hand in a car door.

When your work colleague is like "What's the matter with you, man?" and instead of saying "I'm depressed." you have to say "Mondays haha" and they're like "It's Tuesday man" and it's like FUCK my depression escaped the socially acceptable timeframe.

I hate the sound of people laughing if they aren't laughing at my jokes.

I couldn't have kids because they would just have to go to work then come home and feel rushed and busy moving things from room to room and from flat surfaces to inside boxes for three to four hours

Getting excited for cold season coming up! Feels like its been summer for so long, it has been ages since I last managed to have a cold.

Anyone else get really mad when they buy some herbal tea (because they have a cold) but it turns out it's just an infusion? Argh. Hate that.

I've been really getting into "Vicks First Defence" i really think it works. It's definitely better than Echinacea or whatever. There are some own-brand versions but they seem to have a different consistency and I think Vicks really works better.

I spent 6 days of this year bicycle touring and about 8 days with a cold, so whilst I would love to make my brand about bicycle touring, regrettably, i have to make it about having a cold.

Putting a bike into a car feels like putting a toaster inside an oven

Kind of want my glasses to break so I can get new ones kind of don't want them to break so I don't have to spend seven hundred pounds on glasses.

Wearing a bad outfit today and trying to convince myself that my life still has meaning.

I never apologise for being depressed. People who aren't depressed are the ones who should be apologising.

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